Thursday, August 21, 2003
Today I am steering my life toward that big highway called 'Empowerment'.
I will begin by putting my hand into writing to become not one the greatest writers but one of the most remembered writers of our time.
I will be the greatest that I can be.
To you, my bestfriend in the world, here is a poem my soul had written for you...
there is a melody that sings in the night...
it speaks of your heart, of your peace...
it soothes me to slumber and carry me whole...
it floats in the air over water and fire to rest upon my weary heart...
and in dream i fly to a morrow of joy...
and i awake in the kiss of the morn knowing i had a friend who stayed by side.
Goddess Morwen at 2:19 PM
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Searching for Something Real
I am desperate.
I woke up today and realized how deep I am in this lie I've been living. I am growing tired of this fairy tale. It's hard to seek solace in a place built from despair.
I feel tomorrow passing me by and I know that that can't be because tomorrow is still somewhere far away. Isn't it?
I resent this feeling of loss, this sickening. Something is dying and I do not know where to begin anew. I'm fed up painting demons as angels and enemies as friends. I am weary of this road that doesn't seem to lead me anywhere and this stranger without any promise of tomorrow.
I need something real. If you can't be real for me then I must go on in a different way. I feel a pain deep inside, a longing, a mortality that must end with death in order for me to live on.
In the back of my mind, I understand the ill-fate of this endeavor. I sense a certain passing, a definable change, a soon-to-be memory.
Let me search for what will make me real...
Goddess Morwen at 9:40 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It doesn't matter what it is that you do, what matters is how you do it and for what purpose. A man should not be ashamed of who he is, he should in turn kindle the fire inside him so that he could shine brightly for others in the world to see.
It's so easy for me to say this, you say, to claim and give advice. This is not an easy task to do, don't get me wrong. Even I, up to this day, is still struggling to live my life with passion for what I do. Other people who learn to live this way took a long and tormenting path. There are lucky ones who grew up with enlightened individuals and they've been living with utmost passion since the dawn of their lives. Don't you just envy them?
I have a passion for writing but the most difficult task of all is making that first step. I intend however to share a tale to others. I also intend to do it while I'm young. I hope to make others see another side of my soul, the beautiful colors i can paint for them.
Goddess Morwen at 5:58 AM
Monday, August 11, 2003
For a dreamer I am suddenly afraid to dream...because as always I dream about the impossible. You get tired of being frustrated no matter how strong your positive attitude is in life. I am human too and I feel the heavy burden of life's miseries, it is weighing me down. I am upset because the tugging is strongest today and I just want to let go...
But I don't want to let go of the dream because I feel it will be worth the wait. Come to think of it, it's not the dream that must be let go but the formula I'm using to make the dream come true. I feel deep inside that I should re-arrange the direction I'm taking my life into...there are important and trusting people who depend and follow my every footstep because they believe I will lead them to better days.
And better days I dream about everyday. I pray that whatever decision I make I learn from it without my heart breaking too much. I can see a vague horizon for me and I know that I have to stay focused or I'll lose any sight of new land. I feel helpless, subject to the turn of the tide, and all colors turn from violet to grey and eventually to the blackness that saddens me.
The darkest of hours gives birth to the brightest of miracles. It is so dark to see right now and I am floating endlessly. I am lost farther than before and I feel the grip of fear clinging like a shadow. I cannot escape the thought that my efforts may be wasted and whatever ingenious plot I concoct to be free of this vicious cycle will be in vain.
So I summon my inner strength never to depart me for I fear falling...falling into despair. I call upon the Source to guide me. I plead to all those who need me to be patient enough to understand my crippled state. I know I will bounce back and find myself again.
Goddess Morwen at 5:24 AM
